"We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police."
Jeff Marder.

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
WC Fields

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
Winston Churchill.

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
Dave Edison.

"I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb."
Freddie Starr.

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman."
Margaret Thatcher

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
Zsa Zsa Gabor

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
Sacha Guitry.

"It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't."
Spike Milligan

"Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself."
Roseanne Barr.